It seems I am not the only one with grief again Chem teacher. Their words are worse, but the sentiment is the same. A strange sense of relief. I don't like to think that I am petty and hateful. *shakes head* After Christmas break, I never have to see her again.

 Lab Exam yesterday. Did okay dokay. Had Princess Di. Really nice woman. She completed my OPA competency form while I was at it.

The lab was a cakewalk for me. After all that EMR training? Ha! Find myself reciting the full docket at warp speed before slowing down and hitting the high notes. Course then people think I know more than I do. I can just assess situations and patients really well, but I've only every inserted OPAs and have only watched ETTs and LMAs being used.

Patient Assessment exam on Friday.

Fundamentals exam Friday after. Anatomy and Physiology on the same day.

Prof Practices essay on November 2. Presentation the week after.

The hardest will be fundamentals. Memorizing numbers. Ugh. I can tell you positions and contraindications, but the rest? Bah. TIme to start using this as my study review guide again.

Let's start with the first in the line of upcoming exams.

( Patient Assessment P1 )

*blush* Got distracted by hunky cartoon heros in briefs. Ahem. Carry on.

( Part 2 )

Been a while, but I got into the program.

Got the call just before heading on vacation. Went on vacation. Found funding. Started. Worked 8 days while going to school full time. No chance to write much here.

School mon-fri. Work friday evening work sat work sun school mon-friday chores on saturday take nieces to fort sunday school mon-friday work friday evening work saturday work sunday . . .

There. We're caught up.

Heh, you wish.

8 classes. Two online to be completed at your own pace. Finished Infection Control in the first three weeks. Started Medical Terminology right after. Got ahead and then lost my freaking book on Wednesday. Now I have to find a text book someone isn't using. Won't make up for my book though. That thing condensed 30 pages of reading materiel into 4 pages of studyable goodness.

Chemistry is taught by my new least favorite teacher. You need high 80's to 90's in Chem 30 to get into this program and Ms A is still prattling on about valence electrons. I kid you not, she handed us all markers and stickers to play with. I did not go to night school while working full time, getting home past midnight, having no saturday off to sit in a classroom and be patted on the head for knowing what the fucking molecular mass of hydrogen is!

/rant

2nd least favorite teacher is Fundamentals. He smiles the most, jokes the most, and has the least sincere eyes. Passive aggressive to the extreme. Starts class 5 minutes earlier than anyone else and locks the door at the very last minute, telling you to wait outside if you are late. He takes joy in trick questions and in making your lab scenario tests difficult. Unyeilding would be the right word for him and I could accept--even respect-that, but the "i'm your best friend with a knife at your throat" act is really grating on my nerves. The class is half didactic, half lab. Less G in lab, thank gods. But he's there when it counts.

Applied Sciences is as close to quantum physics as I am ever going to get. Quite fond of it, though the teacher has me doubting reality and is making me paranoid about the "facts" I read.

Proffessional Practices is an odd course. We played with toilette paper for the first five days of class. Lots of introductions. Watched Michal Moore's Sicko and right when I thought I had it figured out, Mrs S pulls out the power point and gives us group ethical assignments. Two weeks to write an essay, one month to make a display. My group chose Culture and Religion in Healthcare. First stop, Jehova Witnesses and blood transfusions. Next? Maybe Scientologists. I like the thought of aliens and angels conspiring against doctors. Maybe we'll dress up?

Anatomy and Physiology is a rather dry course, but the teacher is quite amusing. "New research says diarrhea is genetic." *pause* "It runs in your genes." He believes in a glass of wine and a hamburger a day to keep the body healthy and the mind firm.

Patient Assessment is usually the last class of the day. D tries his best, but he's usually tired and we're usually not paying full attention to him after 7 hours of class. So far his class ends with "You know what? Just go home early and read this stuff. The book has everything the powerpoint does."

And they all have exams in October. And November. And December. 2 midterms and a comprehensive final per class.

Open house is this weekend. Working thurs, fri, sunday and pulling voluntary double shifts on saturday.

For open house, I'm assigned as part of the attention grabbing fake code blue that goes around on a stretcher doing CPR all morning. Evening shift will be answering questions I don't know the answers to regarding continuing care. Party afterwards at the class president's place. Not sure if I'll go. Work in the morning. Not a drinker. blah blah blah

Joined dodgeball. We won every game except our last. That last game wasn't really us though. Every team joined up into two MEGA teams. Our side just happen to lose.

Pulled my quad on our second game. Literally could not move. My dodging was more like falling, but my arm was realy good that night. Earned a bit of respect for not quitting. Half the people who signed up didn't show up.

Getting to know people. Two days before the first day of school I was on the recieving end of a rant regarding how backstabbing and horrible staff and students were. It jaded my view a bit and I went from happy excited girl to paranoid quiet girl. Didn't make the best first impression. The people who sit next to me or pair up with me in lab know better by now. The rest . . .  not so much.

Work has been frustrating or fabulous with very little in between. I am either treated as an object or as a celebrity and I have no idea on the why or the who. Had my first code. Was in front of the parents too. That sucked because right after they saw me run for the crash cart and pull out the defibrillator, I had to go to them with my best Smile Face and ask them to please wait in the play room, a doctor will be out to speak to you soon. Baby was okay. death during surgery is near on impossible unless you're being harvested or had brain trauma. It's when you go to the wards that you need to worry.

Okay. All done now. No sleep till midnight. Then off to school I go. Unless I get called in. That would suck.

Nerve noose.

o.0

I like it!

Got called for an interview at NAIT for the respiratory  therapist program. Friday.

MEEP!

10 questions. 10 questioners. points allotted. Whomever gets the most points gets in. Top 50 in. Rest, g'luck next time.

Top 60% gets inerviews. Not anything special. Except to me.

"Everybody out of the water."

She swoops in and leaves the morgue full. A baby and two cardio vascular patients. Fire and a drunk. Yesterday she took a patient we operated on in PICU. You know it's bad when you chuck sterility and operate in public, horrified parents and neighbors watching.

"If you can fix this now, don't make us wait. Nobody will be coming back from the gate"

Bowls the color of storm clouds, black and grey. Swollen past the size of an adults. We needed her bed. She didn't last three hours. We took it, cleaned it, and brought it down for a boy who lived.

"Take what you can because you won't be here again"

Sugar is having nightmares. She was the Runner. And run she did. The baby died on my shift. I told Sugar in the morning. Nothing I could do helped. Not to those who still feel her.

"I don't know what to say. You don't care anyway."

They have frequent deaths in adult OR. Harvesting and CVs. Me^2 said we don't LET patients die on our tables. Don't know as such a thing can be true.

"We're like Crystal. We break easy."

And that's all there is to it.

Pragmatism says grab the glue, but don't mourne too long or all will stay broken.

Ahh, Radio Prophet. How you have helped.

Yes! Sifu has gotten the whip out. He's beating us to a talented pulp.

Three days of Fu in a row and Fellow couldn't walk. I had Math and work, so I only got Monday's blow.

We did forms and for every mistake that was made, EVERYONE had to do 10 pushups. This went on until we had it perfect.

Sifu: Just a few punches and we'll have break. Just the basics. Then break. One more time. Now Hammer. Now Crane. Now Hammer and Crane together. One more round and we go on break.

Which was his delightfully evil tricksy way of giving us hope so the pain wouldn't be so bad. He's even started saying do it till it hurts.

I love it!

The reason, we're doing an expo at West Ed. Skating rink. ice. Little nervous about that.

We will be Fu deamons.

Wonder if Iron Man will do the chopstick thing.

Saber class next month. *stretches* Wooden, but I get to keep it after.

The 2nd bow staff class was more than I had expected.

Think we'll be doing more weapons training.

I love kung fuuuuuuuu!!!!

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A lot.

My mission to take 3 years worth of math in 6 months is going swimmingly. I constantly feel like a dumbass, I punish my body with weeks of no supper and little sleep. I've given my weekends to math. I've taken Thursdays and Fridays off of work, all for the hate of math.

January 19th, it will be done.

Then I shall switch to a kinder master. Chemistry.

Oh dear chemistry, I'm sure your gasseous to liquid embrace will sooth after the nale file that is math.

I am convinced that despite my best efforts, math has defeated me. It has refused to reveal it's secrets. I no longer aim to learn, but only to learn long enough to past The Test. I need 90's in my diploma exam for my biology marks to be acceptable.

I went from making $100 a day at work, 130 if it was a weekend or evening, to making $86. This is the horror that is "benifits", that pus filled boil on my paycheques. If math did not so completely rule my hatred right now, I would start a holy war against benefits.

Luckily, they shall be giving me 3 raises by April. I am not sure what my daily take home will be, for I have yet to see the benifits pus ball. It will be there, no doubt.

Work continues to amuse.

4 year old boy: "I don't know why they're opening my stomach. I just want to poop. I'm not getting surgery. They're gonna help me poop."

Children make my work life that little bit more tolerable.

We've been hosting several guests. Radio hosts, the mayor, etcetera. The boss lady tells us to organise, but not to hide.

"Make it neat, but let them see the lack of space we have to deal with every day. Let them see how difficult it makes things"

We wouldn't be able to hide this shit if we tried.

I'm becoming a senior Service Worker at an alarming rate. There are now only three who have more hours than I do. Out of our now 9 staff, that's quite the responsibility. I've become someone to ask for the impossible.

Nurse Ass-grabber: "Dr C needs six rolls of Transpore. I want you to pull it out of the air and bring it to Theatre 29."

I was able to "discover" merely 5. Legendary acts in these times of backorders.

They give us half a million dollar equipment, but only a day's supply of tape and scrubs that we have to make stretch a week. What the hell? An anethetist refused to come in because there was nothing to wear but scrubs made for the obese. I kid you not, they were labled x-x-x-x-large. Four "x"s! Sheesh.

What are we supposed to do, Wear the betadine stained, who-knows-what-that-is clothes? Disgusting.

I think the hospital is running out of money. They're tucking in and calling it "an oversight". oversight my left butt cheek. They suddenly had to pay all of their support staff 9 months worth of back pay and now we can't find water? Water?! The hospital ran out of water!

*slumps*

So I'm gettin' me some education. It's the only logical answer to the equation.

I hate math.

Took a break from work for a while. I wanted to take my vacation before my point four started and I had to ask permission with the possibility of it being denied. So away I went. Then when I came back, I was up to work the weekend. A long weekend it turned out to be.

Time and a haf, over time, shift diff, weekend premium. Good stuff. Definetly better than an empty paycheque.

I've been on for three days, then 3 hours off, then 8 hours more. Yay!

Keep feeling like I'm going to cry. A nurse was taking a ballon off a litle girl's bed and that action seemed so sentimental. Saw a picture an elephant drew, oh my, oh my. *rolls eyes at self* I have some morning to do. Never cried for what I really wanted to cry about. Now the little girl who hasn't eaten for three days because her surgery kept getting postponed gets my tears.

First day of Math 20 will be interesting. Halfway through I'll be leaving to bus my way in a fancy dress to a wedding. I realy need a car. Scared of driving though. =p

Logistics of getting a car:
Con:
I am in the highest priced age bracket for insurance
Gas is outrageous and would take away my play money
I know didly squat about car upkeep due to not paying attention when mum changed our tires
I need to take a class before I will feel comfortable driving
It's very stressful and I get heart palpatations whenever I sit in the drivers seat.
Pro
I can get places quickly.
Conclusion:
In other words, I'll wait a bit longer.

Logistics of getting a house:
Pro:
You have the freedom of creativity and destruction
Dogs always welcome
Family friendly
You get your money back when you rent or sell
Cons:
Takes a long time to save up a downpayment
Painful amount of paperwork
Have to do all maintenance yourself
Conclusion:
I'll wait a few years, but I'll be getting one soon. The pros are far larger in my mind than the cons.

And in conclusion, everyone at work (including me) is sick and trying in vain to hide it. Within hours of coming to work, they sneak and sniffle. Technically we should all be on sickleave, but logically there isn't anyone to relieve us. Plus we're getting paid well. Maybe not such a big consideration to some, but according to the above logistics, I have some big expenses comeing up soon.

I've become so acustomed to blood at work that when I see it from myself I forget very easily that this is the body's way of saying something is wrong. 30 day periods are not normal, but I didn't even blink until someone mentioned something. Then . . . well something else happened and I payed my dues for plan B. That stopped the bleeding, but it came back. Finally got it sorted out, but I"m keeping a wary eye on it. Only have so much blood to lose.

One year to plan the career route. The idea of ONE thing being the only thing you do for the rest of your life galls. A few interrupted conversations with pap later and even he agrees Nursing may not be best. Well, no kidding!

Took some time off work to finish class. Got a 92% on my math 10 final, so I say it was worth it. Work missed me. They gave me my schedule for the next couple of months. I wasn't aware of a worry regarding not enough work hours and rent payment until I had a guaranteed work to rent ratio. Suddenly a tiny weight was off my shoulders. If I want play money, that means extra hours. I've put the word upstairs (point 4s can retain their casual status elsewhere). In 8 months, I've never had to use upstairs resources. They hired me. Laura stole me. Simple. Less pay working on the wards. And I've never worked a ward before. Less blood, more excrement from what I hear. Lordy. I don't want excrement! I like my blood and skull bits! I would much rather find a femur in the garbage than a dirty diaper.

Math 10 . . . Let me just say that high school kids are crazy! The "thing" right now is to be bi or homosexual. Can't be straight. oh no, that'll make you a slut. ... I wish I were kidding. I tried not to let them know my age, but the teacher went on about how I was the only one in the class who could leave early if I wanted. Why? I am a mature student.

Odd how what I saw as lack of success (no post secondary education, no career, lack of electronics, etcetera) they saw as "Cool". I was cool! To them, I had everything. My own place, a solid relationship, knee high leather boots, elegant yet kick ass style, no curfew and parents who couldn't boss me around. Weird weird weird little freaks.

Another example of their freakhood: When I went to school, wearing earphones and listening to music in class or during exams was unthinkable. Not an option. There, it was common.

Making friends with my neighbors. Some of them are hilarious. They introduce themselves by their medical problems. "I'm the epileptic" "I'm the liver transplant" "I'm the heart attack". It's like being at work! One of my neighbors works at a neighboring hospital and shares some of my schedules. I find it hilarious when we're working the same shift.

One of our litlte girls was on the news quite heavily. Amazing what they don't tell you on the news.

All of this is pouring out of me as I try desperately to avoid the temptation to go walking around the forest at midnight. I want to walk hand in hand with the storm. Want to drink it in and lose myself.

I listen to music and write instead.

*sigh*

Some days I just want to choose the non-safe route. Something off wall and unheard of. Something to shock. *laugh* As if any of that is new.

Life has a way of caring fuck all for the plans you make.

Next week I start Math 10. Then Math 20 partime September through November, Math 30 November through January. Followed by Chem 20 and 30. If I nede to upgrade something to improve my average, that give me Summer of 09. MacEwan accepts summer courses for the fall term, The U does not. Still no closer to knowing The Career. You know, the one that's supposed to make you wet your pants every time you go to work.

As it is, I merely dampen my pants occasionally. Like when I carry amputated legs around the hospital.

Nurse: *hands over freshly amputated leg*
Me: May I suggest putting it in a box?
Nurse: If you think it necessary.

I did not want to wade through the vomit a dripping leg would cause, so I chose the box.

My fellow has come to visiting. No answer yet on whether plan "Do incorrigable things in the loo" is a go or not. No matter. The food and company is quite wonderful.

Yesterday I pretended that Friday meant the end of work. So here I am at midnight thirty still at work after having partied all the previouse night. And by party, I mean shake my body like a can-can dancer, not booze up.

Randomosity:
Have found three femurs in the garbage so far.
There is a porter with one leg, one arm, and one eye.
At night, PARR switches off Dora the explorer and puts on such movies as Blood Diamond and 6 Feet Under.
Needed to see a doctor, so i told a surgeon my tale, got a prescription, got the meds, and took one all within 20 minutes.
Security never asks for my ID when I come at night. My walk is too confident.
I have NEVER met so many conservative people as those who work here.
Coworkers (at least four): A sword?! What kind of people buy swords?!

Love to you all.

I got the point four position doing the exact thing I'm doing now. Only I get paid less due to them taking away summat for "benefits". Sucky ass health worker health care.

It's that time of year again: study time!

Plan: take a Pure Math 30 course. There's one in July, full time. Would end up working weekends or summat. Might just take time off. Need to call the place and see the logistics.

Might have to upgrade for university. DUnno. Later. Depends on what program I want to go into.

Part of me wants to go into human medicine, but part of me is wanting to do summat for animals. Zoologist. Vet? If I was to go into vetinary medicine, I would want to specialize in the exotics. Hell, I would want to treat them in the wild/reserves.

If I were to go into human medicine, I would want to do summat unconventional. Nurse seems so comon. The default option. Probably have said this before. On't think  want to be a doctor. Hmmm. Much thought.

Need to talk to a uni councilor to see if it's feesable to get a General Bachlor of Science and specialize it later.

Evening shift went swell. Al week the Satyr had his alarm set for 7 for the first time since he started his master, so I had plenty of time to run errands, get some sun, read, etcetera. Napped for a couple of hours, then came into work feeling as if it were a standard 7am day. Only it was 3pm. Evening has to be my favorite shift . . . except for the part where there can be no Kung-fu, and it's harder for me ot stay sleeping while on call.

Saturday tested for Green with Joe. I forgot Monkey Form 2 mid spear sweep! Suddenly had a "why is my hand in the air?" moment. I think the only reason I passed was that I had done Monkey Form 2 perfectly at least 7 time before the test. *sigh*

Sunday Dummy test went off without a hitch. I was perfect.

And due to having falen into one of my bad memories, during the first Class as a Green (Monday) I was in the Killer mode. Only sparred with the boys, felt no pain, slammed poor Flea into the ground several times and was choked quite thoroughly by Mr Steel. The Green belt basics are quite simple. More footwork. More shifting. The focus is less about timing and agility than balance and control.

Work this weekend. They have me training a recruit who is actually younger than me--by half a year, but still. We get along well enough. Again with the coworkers talking about how much I've changed.

"I went on vacation and when I came back, you were a different person".

Curious as to what I was before and what I am now. Feel more like I am in class when I'm sparring with the boys(verses when Shell and Joe are there)

I work the evening this week. My first evening. Not too shabby thus far. No overtime until yesterday. It was a very impressive . . . forty five minutes. Oh yeah. got off exactly at midnight.

Had Monday and Tuesday off. Relaxed in my own way which did not involve sleep.

Wednesday when I came into work I was pummeled with a verbal storm. Tok me a bit to realize all the babble was . . . about me? For me? What? Oh Gods, what did I do this time. Fuck, the blood fridge?

"From 6am Saturday to 6am Monday,"

*raises brow* Wow, even in a hospital gossip exagerates. For the record, it was 1am Monday, not 6. Apparently the Charge Nurse frot the weekend shift made an announcement before my shift about what an "amazing job" I had done. The list of compliments went on, but my head was already swimming. "And she was even 10 minutes early for her shift the next morning." Um, yeah, that's because I slept in the lounge.

All day people kept coming to ask me how I survived te weekend, why was it so long? Two words, Lappy Appy. Ye Gods, the lappy appies! Lost count how many we did. A few stupid kids falling off things they shouldn't have been climbing in the first place. An exploding eye. All kinds of good stuff. Ooh, don't think I've mentioned the bloody femur in the soil room. That was a regular CSI event there. "Okay, who lost their leg?"

Um . . . ^___^ I love work. My work anyway.

Needless to say was very happy all day.

That night at kung-fu, Sifu and his wife had me go through the Orange belt moves, Monkey form 2, triangle step, 6 basics during chi sau . . . Didn't do anything wrong. Was pulled aside anyway.

I test for my Green belt Monday Many 26. It was supposed to be 24th, but I work that weekend.

"You work? On Saturday?" Sue just shook her head.

Today was Service Attendent Appreciation Day. In other words, today was another excuse to party and eat.

Did I mention I love what I do?

30 hours ago I left the hospital for a 40 minute bus ride home that proved futile. That was my last glimpse of anything outside the confines of this sudo-aseptic environment in 40 hours.

I heard a rumor that the past 48 hours have been very warm and sunny. Judging by the ambiant light that filters in every now and then as I am walking down corridors, I guess it must be so.

Worked 8 hours, got 45 minutes off, then worked 9 hours, slept 3.5 hours, and then worked 16 hours. Total of 33 hours worked in roughly a 37 hour time period. Not too shabby. 17 hours of overtime thus far with no end in sight. Whoo hoo!

The nurses have been just great about it. The nurse who works the day weekend is different then the on-call nurse, so they get a wee bit more sleep than a Service Attendent. They've been telling my shift tale to everyone they come in contact with including parents, housekeeping, flouro, and the CSS staff. It's hilarious.

This morning around 3:30, they ganged up on me and tucked me in. When a nurse tucks you in, you aren't getting up any time soon. Fully dressed except for my shoes, a warm blanket around me, they took over my duties for a few hours so I could catch a tiny bit of rest. Then 7am I got a text and instant alertness befell upon me.

One of the day nurses heralds from Miami and took to smacking me with her purse. Jokingly of course. She says I had wanted overtime, so overtime I got. Then she got food for me and had me sit down for a bit. We had a nice discussion about a persons tolerence and good atitude in the face of life. She says it is because I am young that I am able to shrug stay cheerful.

"I'm cheerful because there is food. If there was no food, you would have very grumpy support staff today"

Have been taking the advice of a much loved and missed fellow collegue who left us last month. He once told me that the secret to being loved was loving, the power of being liked and respected was in respecting and liking. Happiness came from being happy.

A little simple wisdom from Kenya I suppose. Or maybe just him.

Felt fine all day today. Just around 9 I started feeling the hours again.

Currently craving a hug like a junkie needing a fix. Good thing my hugging human is back.

In the intereset of not falling over onto the operating table and drooling myself away while equally tired nurses prepare me for a non-existing surgery, I shall type. Can't sleep if you're typing. not only have I updated my laswt post, I shall post again! Isn't thins no limit to posting wonderful? Keep an eye out for more! The new day has already begun. Hah! That's where the 'u' goes!

>.> Um . . . yeah, no one said this post would make any sense.

Is it a bad sign when the anesthesiaologist is sleeping right beside you? Maybe there's a gas leak. Except all the stupid machines leak. Maybe there's a bigger leak than normal? or you know, we could all just be tired.

The nurses have different people working day and on-call. Service Workers not so much. Something about negotiating for less weekend shifts biting people in the rear because we have no dirrect patient care (as in decision making shtuff) and so legally can work however long they want us to and if they say "you are not going home" . . . well then we are not going home, no matter that we came in at 8am and leave at 1 am then come back at 7am for a shift.

I am nearing my experation date but they keep me int he refrigerator. Oh nos! I shall curdle.

Waaay funnier when I told the NICU nurse that. We had a good giggle about curdling milk, the neo had a good attempt at out noising us, and the elevators were all ours.

Oh, that's bonus. A shiny. The elevators all come when you call as soon as you call compaired to waiting for an elevator for twenty minutes because the three that DID stop on your floor were all full.

Ugh, I don't feel so good. The nausea and headaches have been joined by backaches that travel. Starts in the back, shoots to my chest.

oh God, make that machine stop yammering at me!!

Gotta go.

The weekend shift has got to be the best shift ever. Work up to 48 hours straight, load up on shift deference, overtime, and weekend premiums, then take 2 weekdays off to relax and recoupe.

It's harder when you're by yourself, but things are spread out more, so work incredibly hard then rest really well.

And I get a lot of spare time to myself. 

EDIT: It is eight minutes to midnight. Still at work. Yay! Yay? Um, okay, yay was a bit of an overstatement.

Worked a 7-1515 shift Monday through Friday, then an 8-1615 shift Saturday and Sunday. Thus far, went home at 1638, got called back 1639. No joke. And by "go home" what I mean is "two blocks away from home". They're probably not going to be done with this little one until 2 or 3. If that's the case I'm just going to find a comfy couch somewhere in the hospital and sleepin until 8. Barely worth goin home as it is considering I have to wake up at 6 to get on the bus.

G'night world. I'll join you in slumber come Monday.